their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
