some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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