I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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