I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
