ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
