i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we're making bets on your personal life
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
