I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
