wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize