You were right. It hurts to walk today.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
