im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
