I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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