can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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