Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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