yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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