oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize