I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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