Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
