We won't sleep together?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
