You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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