There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
