Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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