before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
