I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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