Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We are two peas in an std pod
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
