His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
