The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize