Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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