it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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