do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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