No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
cat food counts as protein by the way
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
