meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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