why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize