I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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