On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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