I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Im part way to drunk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
