when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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