you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
