What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
