the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize