Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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