I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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