If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
