Umm I'm too high to move.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
