When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize