Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
