I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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