I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
