i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
