im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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