I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
