i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
