pedialite and red bull = repair kit
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
