as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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