walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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