Your face is a jimmy john
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i will never coherently bang her
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
