His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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