you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
