I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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