hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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