I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my liver is dry heaving
Dick very happy bro
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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