Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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