There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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