So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize