it's too hot outside to masturbate.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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