i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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