Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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