there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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