i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
