I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
