btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
