Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Randomize