I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
