i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
