apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize