okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
