i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize