i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
