Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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