Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
