i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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