the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
