I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
