He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
