In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
