Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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