maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
