he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
