you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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