Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize